A/N: A warning for the mention of abortion/miscarriages and some of the opinions that come along with these topics.
Oh, and I couldn’t be arsed to go through with the pregnancy in game to give her a bump, so just don’t look too closely at her flat stomach when it is in shots, lmao!
Faye had been dreading seeing his face ever since she realised she’d have to tell him. Part of her wanted to hide the truth from him – it wouldn’t be that hard, after all – but she thought of their growing friendship and the conversations they’d had that begun to bridge the startlingly large gap between them, and she couldn’t do that.
“Hey, what’s up?” Kane asked, closing the door softly behind him. He’d come straight from work because she’d asked him to, and usually that meant they would spend the rest of the night in each other’s company. One look at Faye’s indecisive expression quickly corrected the assumption that tonight was going to be like the others.
There was no easy way to start the conversation, and Faye had never been anything but blunt. “I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, averting her eyes so that she could peer at the rug beneath her feet. Huh. It really needed a hoover.
Stunned silence met her, and then finally; “I thought you were on the pill?” There was some accusation in his words, and Faye flushed with anger. It was more directed at herself, but at least it wasn’t her making the same mistake – though Kane’s train of thought was clearly wondering if this had been an “accidental” pregnancy.
“Shit,” Kane said, and really, that summed their situation up.
“I just… just thought you should know. I was going to, um, you know.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say the word aloud, uncomfortable with the very idea that she could be ending a life even if she wasn’t all that sure the thing inside her could be considered ‘alive’ yet. At Kane’s confounded expression, though, she figured that she needed to elaborate. “Abort it,” she muttered.
“What?” Of all of the ways she imagined him responding, panicked and hurt wasn’t one of them. Relieved, yes. Calmly accepting, definitely. But this? She chanced a look at his face, and saw his eyes were wide. “No,” he said, folding his arms, though his shoulders quickly slumped. “I mean, I can’t force you, but… please, Faye. You can’t kill it. It’s our… our kid.”
Faye stared at him. “You really think we deserve to bring a kid into this world? Do you know the first thing about being a parent?”
“We… could learn? Look, if it happened despite the pill, then doesn’t it mean it’s meant to be?”
With a sudden flash, Faye remembered Kane confessing to her that his family was stupidly, deeply catholic, and she wondered if some of that had rubbed off on him.
She started to shake her head, but Kane came forward quickly and caught her hand. Though they’d slept with each other several times – in both senses of the word – and woke up with limbs entangled, fingers drawling lazy circles on warm skin, they had never been tender away from the covers. She stared at their hands clasped together, in a way she ached to be familiar to her one day, and then back to his pleading gaze.
“I… There’s time, right? To think about this? That’s all I ask, just to think about it.” He looked at her earnestly, eyes flitting down to her stomach with a desperate wonder, and Faye couldn’t quite find the heart to say no to him.
“Okay,” she nodded, despite her better judgement, and was rewarded with Kane’s eyes lighting up.
“We can do this. I’ll show you.” He squeezed her hand and she mirrored his giddy smile, though she couldn’t make it reach her eyes.
Faye had promised to think about it, and she did. In fact, it was all she did think about. Every day she found something new that she wasn’t allowed to drink, eat, or do, and part of her felt guilty for even considering doing it anyway. Surely, if her mind was so against the child in her belly, it would have got the message by now?
She wondered how guilty she’d feel then, if she suddenly discovered blood between her thighs.
Part of her, strangely enough, was slowly coming to embrace the idea of being a mother. She felt great, which was weird, given how many horror stories she’d heard about pregnancy, but the light morning sickness had already disappeared, and she felt that she could take on the world. It was a perplexing contrast to the chaos in her mind.
Alicia had taken her decision with pursed lips but had offered no advice, having been asked for none, and instead began to pester Faye to eat, do light exercises, and make appointments with doctors (and all sorts of other people. Faye had no idea having a baby was so complicated. She assumed as soon as the thing came out of her that she’d know how to hold it).
In her mind’s eye, she could see the future that she was desperately hoping for. To grow old with someone, have that companionship, have inside jokes which sent them into mischievous giggles. It was almost unfair, Faye thought, to have grown up with parents so in love even to this day. It set an impossibly high standard that she doubted was possible even for Summer and Uma to attain.
And, of course, thinking about her parents inevitably brought their judgement to mind.
“What’s wrong?” Alicia asked, perching on the sofa next to where Faye was staring in the middle distance.
Faye didn’t answer for a moment, wondering if she really had to, but eventually let out a long sigh. “My parents were right,” she said sullenly.
One bright orange eyebrow arched up. “About?” she prompted.
“Everything.” Faye laughed bitterly. “I’m not responsible, I don’t think about my future, I’m a disappointment. What will they think when I tell them I have a kid on the way? I’ll barely be nineteen when it’s due. I mean, my parents had us young, but they were together, in a good relationship, probably financially secure and-“ her breath hitched and Faye stopped, scrubbing her face with her hands.
“What they think doesn’t matter,” Alicia shrugged.
Faye sighed deeply and wandered to the window, looking out at the view over the village park where tiny specks played on the swings and slides. Would her kid be doing that one day? She frowned at the thought. Shouldn’t she have some motherly urge to protect them? She felt nothing.
“Of course their opinion matters,” Faye muttered. She stared at a car trying to parallel park opposite the busy school, before giving up and moving on. “Do you think I’d be a good mother?” she asked.
Alicia glanced over to Faye, her grey outfit unfortunately fitting for her mood. “In the future,” Alicia said with confidence. “When you were ready. But now?” She bit her lip and watched Faye’s face, though there was no indication that she was listening. “Maybe not.”
Faye sighed in response.
Kane’s flat was on the top floor in a block opposite where they worked. It wasn’t large, but it was a good price and had been well looked after, which was why they had agreed to move into his and raise the baby there, if Faye made the right decision (the ‘right’ had been the unspoken word in their conversations, but Faye knew what Kane wanted to say). His landlady was a sweet old woman who was perfectly happy with the idea of a child in her building, but Faye suspected she had been bribed with the gingersnap cookies that he was shockingly good at making.
“What do you think?” Kane asked, pride shining in his voice. Faye stared at what was once Kane’s cluttered work out and office space with surprise. She hadn’t been aware that this had been part of his plan to show her that they could do this.
“There isn’t anything, you know, personal right now. I thought that could… wait.” His voice trailed off at the implication. “But I’ve been watching these decorating programmes, we could make some really nice wall decorations or something.”
He continued when she didn’t say anything, his voice taking on a desperate tinge, but Faye couldn’t quite bring herself to say anything. She wanted to cry, not speak.
She could picture exactly the future she wanted; the future that could be within her grasp. Kane whistling cheerfully as he baked, Faye entertaining their son who waited impatiently for the sweet treats.
“I think someone’s hungry,” she would giggle, bouncing the child on her hip and looking down at his grinning face.
And Kane would chuckle, glancing over his shoulder to watch their son for a moment, love in his eyes, before turning back to his creation. “Good things come to those who wait.”
“Patience, young one,” he would reply, in a silly voice, and they would both laugh at their son’s disgruntled frown.
And this room, this was the start of it. Their son would sleep soundly with some home-made decorations keeping him comfortable. Kane would make sure their baby monitor was on and working, in charge of exactly what they needed, while reading baby books on how to encourage their son to sleep through the night.
He would be a good dad; or at least he would try. Faye knew that instinctively, with no evidence to support her belief. She had never seen him interact with children, but she had begun to notice that he did what he could to be the opposite of his own father, even if he didn’t notice.
Would he dance with their son to the radio in the mornings? Would he sing him to sleep after a nightmare? Would Faye wake up to a small warm body snuggled between theirs, and see Kane smiling wondrously down at the boy between them?
Probably, Faye decided. But she wouldn’t, and it would never be a happy relationship between them.
She had murmured something about being tired in lieu of an answer, so Kane had steered her towards his bed where they took a nap. Faye didn’t sleep, but she dreamed of everything she wanted, and the more she dreamt, the more she knew this wasn’t it.
She sat up quickly. Her jolt woke Kane, who mumbled incoherent words and rubbed at his eyes.
“I can’t,” Faye hiccupped, rubbing away cold tear tracks on her cheeks. “I can’t be a mother.”
“Faye…” he pleaded.
“No,” she said, sniffing. “This would never work between us. I can’t… do this.”
Kane’s eyes flashed. “You haven’t even tried!”
“I don’t need to try to know I’m bad at something,” Faye snapped back, one arm hugging herself defensively, the other smoothing down lines on the quilt to pretend she had never been here. It would be better that way, wouldn’t it?
Faye scoffed. “Do you really think you’re ready to be a father? Do you even know what that entails?”
“I don’t care what it entails,” Kane said angrily, his fists bunching up the pattern on his bedspread. “It’s a life, and I’m not happy letting it go even if you are.”
“I’m being sensible!” she struck back, eyes narrowing. “I know I’m not ready to be a mother. Maybe you could do it, but I can’t.”
Kane fell silent, every muscle in his back tensed, his shoulders up by his ears. “So that’s that,” he said, voice cracking. She wondered what he had thought of the future, while she had been dreaming about a perfect nuclear family.
Kane shook his head, let out his breath slowly, and stood. “Alright,” he said, frowning over at her. Faye was surprised to see no residual anger, only a wary resignation that took her aback. “It’s your decision, I guess. At the end of the day, I have no say in this, right?” He laughed bitterly, rubbing his eyes. “That’s probably not fair. Whatever. I’m not going with you to do it. Just tell me it’s done and then do me the favour of never speaking to me again.”
Faye blinked away tears. She took a deep breath, a new future in her mind’s eye. “What if there’s another option?” she asked in a small voice, rewarded by Kane’s eyebrows raising in obvious question. “Do you really want to be a father that badly?” she asked, holding her hand over her stomach that still wasn’t that big. Hesitantly, Kane nodded.
And that was how Kane found himself staring over the rails of the crib, where a baby boy was sleeping soundly after being brought back from the hospital. Kane had hoped, desperately, that Faye would change her mind about staying with them, and she had seemed tempted at points, but ultimately had made the choice to move back home. She’d asked him not to contact her, and not to tell anyone that she was the mother – all in return for carrying the baby to term.
Kane didn’t quite realise how much his catholic upbringing had impacted his gut aversion to the idea of abortion, but he also didn’t quite realise that other factors were at play to ensure this child was going to be brought into the world.
The name Law had seemed to come out of nowhere to Kane, but he liked it enough to name his child that, unknowingly choosing a fitting name for a boy who would change the world, because while the boy sleeping in front of him wasn’t going to continue the Williams’ line, he would be paramount in keeping it alive in the years to come.
A/N: Finally, FINALLY, we are at the end of this generation. We shall be following Law for a little while before seeing what the main family has got up to in our absence.
I was determined to get this out before August, but alas, here we are. I’m hoping some unpacking this weekend will be followed with time to catch up, or at least start on the many many chapters I am looking forward to reading!